Baloney Baffles Brains

goals

2012-03-04T21:19:00.000-08:00

One of the ironic things I'm noticing about this year, is that a few of my previous years goals have come back to me. One of my goals last year was to complete a kayaking course--looking towards getting a certification or coaching course in kayaking. I never got it done last year but guess what is being offered this year! I'm hoping to go on tuesday evening and see if I qualify to take the course. And then last year, Ms Donahue and I went off wheat for awhile, made a few changes to diet, but didnt end up staying off of it. Now, lo and behold, my body seems to be deciding for me that no bread is the way to go. Funny how these things seem to have a will or momentum of their own.

Mud Heros

2012-03-01T21:25:00.002-08:00

Ok maybe it was the deathrace from last year, or the myriad of other things our kungfu family gets into, but I ran across a different kind of race than just running and it sounds totally cool!! Its called the MudHero, and heres the quote from the site;
Up for some serious fun? Sign up for Mud Hero – the only rope-swinging, mud-crawling, ramp-running, wall-climbing, tunnel-diving, slide-slipping, net-crossing, tire-tripping, un-freakin’-believable obstacle run of its kind that’s 100% Canadian-owned.
Dreamt up by the totally insane Crazy Canucks team, Mud Hero is the ultimate place to scale new summits and conquer your fear of muck, madness and sheer mayhem. Crush the voice of your inner weenie as you crank up the adrenaline and push yourself, your friends and others to make it to end. Without falling over laughing. Then celebrate your epic achievement at the finish line with other totally wild and muddy gals, pals and spectators during the post-race Mud Bash, where there’ll be a BBQ, bevies, live music and more. You’ll grin. You’ll groan. You’ll enter the Mud Zone.
Not sure you’re up to the challenge? Chill. Think laughter and cheers. Not blood, sweat and tears. The toughest obstacle of all? Making sure you and your friends register before Mud Hero sells out!'
Soooooooooo my question is......anyone wanna go? Could be a bonding moment for the I Ho Chaun group......:) Maybe even as a fundraiser!!!!

the blahs

2012-02-26T21:56:00.001-08:00

This week has been a struggle, mostly because I hit one of those 'lulls'. Know what I'm talking about? When you're just blah, cant seem to get the enthusiasm to do anything. I seem to cycle through these about every 6 or so weeks. The numbers keep me going--and my spear. Somehow, I can still get into that. I'm so thankful for fitness class especially when I'm like this--its different every week, its a more relaxed atmosphere, we can egg each other on and laugh about it. And sweat! Good grief do we sweat! But I love it. Hopefully I sweated out my blahs and am ready to dive back in next week. My spear is still waiting...

Running

2012-02-20T18:48:00.001-08:00

Funny that someone else has already blogged about running, must've been the gorgeous weather. Today I went out for my first run of the season--way earlier than usual for me, but it was sooooo gorgeous out today, I couldnt resist. I can honestly say, I look forward to runnng again this season. It wasnt always that way. I started running 4? years ago? after looking forward in my training to the black belt test. Knowing I sucked at running, I figured I should give myself a few years start (same with the pushups and situps. Too bad I never started the chinups.) I was a battle; I forced myself to run 3x a week, not really enjoying it, but determined. I used the podcasts from 'couch potato to 5km' to get me going.
Then last year, to my surprise, I found I was actually looking forward to running--chomping at the bit to get out even! That shocked me. And then to have Sifu Regier take us on 'a little run' my second week into it (only 8-10km) and I could do it! That was an amazing moment. I even went on the same run a few days later just to prove to myself I could do it again. Now I can honestly say I enjoy the run--I dont even listen to music, its like a meditation. I focus on my breathing, on my steps--keeping them easy,light and relaxed.
So for my first run I figured I'd see how far I could go--normally I start slow. And I did 3-4km. I'm impressed. I love the changes kungfu has made in me, I love being fit enough to jump into stuff. And Sihing Regier, my dog loves it too:)

Spear saga

2012-02-14T18:06:00.000-08:00

I have to admit, kungfu is not easy to fit it--not so much to your life, but into your living space. I have been in I Ho Chaun for over a year now, and have gained a plethora of weaponry. I love the weapons; its different, and great fun to play with. Plus it makes people ask questions when they come in the house. But the weapons have their price--in the process of filling the dents in the walls in my room, have dented my sword on the patio furniture, tons of marks on the deck, not to mention my own bruises. By far the most destructive (and yet my favorite weapon) has been my spear, with and without the pointy end. Nothing like losing your grip on that weapon and have it fly out of your hand to make you cringe! But now my spear is dead....it took on the deck chairs. They've already had it out with the broad sword, and have had a few skimishes with the cane,stick and spear (you'd think I'd learn and sell them or something), but this time it was a full out attack. I was practicing spear form and whipped the spear around hard, slamming it into the chairs, denting the spear tip/neck so bad the metal actually cracked. Crap. Not to be topped by the chairs, I ordered a new spearhead, which my ever-patient partner put on for me. It didnt fit the same, but he shaved some wood off, and got it fixed on tight. (After me playing with it and complaining it was loose.)
So there I went, happily whipping it around again, forgetting the chairs were still there, plotting more destruction. This time, I was practicing some fancy helicopter moves aka Sifu Playter, and the end hit the chairs, bounced back and speared me in the forehead. Blood, swelling, end of practice, murderous thoughts at the chairs......
You'd think that would be enough, but then, not 1 week later, I'm practicing again--yes the chairs are moved now!--and noticed the tip seems a touch loose. Strange. It was screwed in good, and didnt seem to have shifted. 5 mins later the tip flys across the yard as the spear cracked right up into the tip. Oops. Seems the chairs have won this time. Guess I'll be ordering another spear.....

sparring

2012-02-12T21:33:00.000-08:00

As most of you know, Sihing Robinson has got us the opportunity to do some extra practice on thurs nights. And, as most of us need sparring numbers, this last week we tried some.sparring. It was very good--relaxed. There were two of us that are nervous to spar, and for the most part we did ok. (And I've got the bruises to prove it!) I did, to my everlasting embarrassment, get overwhelmed and broke down. I think for me thats the worst thing I can ever do is to let down my guard like that. I felt horrible, especially knowing that just made an entire roomful of guys want to run for the door. To their eternal credit, they havent razzed me yet and didnt run. Sifu Wonziak and Ms Donahue helped me calm down, we even all chatted afterwards and yes, I will spar again. With my teams help, I can get through this, and I'm glad that even now when the team is just getting to know each other AS a team, they were willing to step in and help.
I know lots of us are afraid to spar. I hope mentioning what happened to me will help more of us step forward with courage and try again. With a group like this that is willing to help and grow together, we can do anything.

Meditation

2012-02-05T14:26:00.000-08:00

One of my goals this year is to try and meditate everyday for at least 10 mins. I havent really decided how picky I want to be with this, and havent locked myself down to one style. I've read of a few different types, times that are best, etc. Of the few I've read about or tried, I have to say I really like the walking meditation--being outdoors always seems to renew my energy and being present even more so. One of the programs I'm doing also starts their talks with a 'getting present' meditation--but it involves imagery of pulling in your energy/chi from wherever your mind has been:past, future. Then you imagine filling yourself with the energy. I really like that one--I can do it sitting or walking, I feel way more energized and it gives my brain something else to do along with focussing on the breathing. And when I try to move the energy into areas that need healing, they do seem to feel some what better. Could be just me:)
Another one suggested by Thich Nhat Hanh is to stop, do some deep breathing, say in your head 'breathing in, I calm the body, breathing out, I smile' 3x. Its fast, really does take the stress out--especially when you make yourself smile when you dont feel like it.
I can see the benefits, and I cant wait to see how it helps as the year progresses!

Dragons

2012-01-29T22:33:00.000-08:00

Last nights chinese new year was awesome!! Each one comes to mean more to me the closer I get to black belt--I actually know and have trained with the new sifus! Which makes it all the more sweet to see them succeed. I really am pumped also about the dragon/lion dance. When we were in the huddle, Master Brinker reminded us to slow down a sec, to take in everything around us, to be in the moment; it would never come again. All my nervousness went away, and the dance was such a joy. I can still feel the moment.
And for some odd reason, one of my requirements from last year has returned to me. I had set down to draw and frame a dragon picture. And I started to, hit a block and never returned to it. At the end of the evening, I was given a desire to draw again--a dragon, our dragon in a sense. So we shall see what becomes of it. Perhaps the eye dotting ceremony really did awaken our dragons spirit. And now he's nagging me.....

aha moment

2012-01-28T08:46:00.000-08:00

I had an aha moment last night. I've been reading abit about meditation, its benefits, ways of doing it etc. but I was still struggling with it. For one, sitting still long enough to actually meditate is huge already...as any parent knows, theres always SOMETHING you could be doing. Also, I have a church background and while I know people do meditate in that faith, it still seemed mystical and I would hit a block in myself. Am I really ok to be doing this? I've also been struggling with when I work out, always so tired lately. Then driving home from kungfu last night a song based on a bible verse I learned as a child came to me
'they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. Teach me Lord, to wait. Teach me to wait, down on my knees till in your own good time you answer my pleas. Teach me not to rely on what others do, but wait in prayer for an answer from you.'
Waiting. Sitting in prayer/meditation. Strength. Endurance. Answers
I think I know what I need now.

New years eve jitters

2012-01-22T18:53:00.000-08:00

Chinese new years eve...and I'm filled with dread/anticipation/nervousness/relief(that we're finally getting started!). I'm learning how much of a perfectionist I am--I hate talking about both failures AND successes--dont like to admit failure and am even more afraid that I"m not worthy of any success. Its not an easy thing to post about--but I want this year to be about real growth. To accept myself no matter how I do, but enjoy the journey not be so pysched about the 'achievement'. I'm excited to see who all my team mates are, and what our goals are, to celebrate with and for my team. I'm also trying to balance my training with family--I do have the ability to go completely overboard in my training if I let myself, but have been able to balance it out so far.
I am thinking of a different start this year than our traditional pushup challenge--I want to see if I can get a minimum of 10, trying for even more, of random acts of kindness. Seems like a great way to start the year!

Gearing up

2012-01-13T18:22:00.000-08:00

Almost time for the new year and new team--it feels odd not having to do any of my requirements yet, but I am enjoying the break. It's been good being able to step back, look at how the last year went and think through what I have to do this year. I think I'm already overwhelmed! But it will be fun, as well as difficult. I've already got a stack of books to read (for one of my requirements), started working towards figuring out a schedule for training, oh--and panicking of course. Oh well. Heres to a great year!

Mexico!!!!

2011-12-23T22:20:00.001-08:00

I'm leaving...on a jet plane....merry christmas to all--hope you have an awesome break! I'm looking forward to achieving a goal I never officially set this year; travel. I am finally going! I know its just a short trip, but its the first step in the long journey of many travels I hope. I'm looking forward to a rest from training also, just enjoying the moment. Hope the holiday is happy for all!!

last years goals

2011-12-18T16:29:00.000-08:00

Ok, lets talk this past years goals, and what I got out of them. My list of goals included; 50 000 push ups and situps (standard), 500 rounds of lao gar, 1000 rounds of cane form, 500 hrs of kung fu, 25,000 kicks, 400 mins horse stance, 500 mins sparring, 1000 acts of kindness.
What did I learn from these? Truely learned the discipline of practicing a little everyday adding up. I completed the pushups, situps, forms, kicks; close on the hrs of kungfu, should get the random acts done if keep it up, sparring and horse stance, no where even close. I think I bit off a bit much the first time round, but its helped me alot to learn time management.
Next: 52 connections with friends (1 a week). This was great--I actually have had some fun this year!
25 dates with Sean; also great--hard to make time sometimes, but well worth it.
Read 20 books --totally awesome, a real mind stretcher as they werent fiction
Finish a year long daily meditation book--almost there, and another great focus for me
1750 servings of fruit/veg, no more than 1100 servings of bread/grains--this mutated through the year as I read more and learned more about my body and how it reacts to different things.
Achieve my paddling certificate;no where close, looked into it AFTER all the courses were done; bottom line, do your research early!
Financial cleanup--will, divorce, budget---yeah, not so good. Still on the list of things to do.
Paint or draw a picture of a dragon. This one, not sure. I did start on it, but have got blocked.
Out of all of this I learned I am fairly disciplined when it comes to physical training, but the spiritual and mental stuff definitely needs some work! I look forward to challenging that part of my training next year--in fact all my goals are in that category. Good luck to all of us!

ruminating

2011-12-08T16:47:00.001-08:00

After Master Brinker asked us to ruminate on last year, I went back and read my blogs. One interesting thing I noticed was that my book challenge--to read 20 books at least 15 of them books I might not normally (such as philosphy)--was the basis of alot of blogs. That one requirement was a real mind and soul stretcher this year....so I have to do it again!!:)

A new modem

2011-11-29T17:46:00.000-08:00

Last week was so hard---my modem died midweek and I was officially cut off from the world. I didnt think I relied on my computer that much, but it sucked not being able to check kwoon talk and read the blogs. I really like being able to keep in touch by reading my team mates blogs; it felt like I hadnt had any contact with them at all!! As the year winds down, and the end of UBBT draws near, I hope we can all stay motivated, stay training together. This team this year was an inspiration; I hope next year will be too.

Finally a HO HO holiday

2011-11-29T17:41:00.001-08:00

I've been noticing something different this year as we approach christmas; a lack of stress. Complaining? No way! As I blogged awhile ago, Sean and I are going to Mexico for christmas(kids are gone, so why not?).The kids decided they would rather have something from Mexico than a gift before christmas, so now I have almost no shopping to do, no wrapping, no big dinner to plan. Oh darn! And I really am enjoying being able to just relax, think about things for the trip and do the things I enjoy about the season, like help with hampers, decorate, bake. The frantic pace is gone; the money stress, the scramble to get it all done and done perfectly is gone...I think I may have to make this a new tradition!! Or something close at least--it is sad that the holiday has become that for me. I can only hope I can remember this feeling, and try to make it happen again in following christmases.

and life interrupts yet again

2011-11-15T21:46:00.000-08:00

Been a bit sidetracked this week, with blogging and my requirements. Got hit with the metaphorical 2x4 again; my youngest daughter has mentioned in the past, she'd like to live with her dad sometime and this long weekend, he took the first steps to see it happen. In a way, it blindsided me, but also not. We had discussed this before. Its not that it wouldnt be ok....I guess....He lives in BC, 8hrs away. So, different school, hard grade to move into, what about her sister, so far away ....and I thought it was hard before I got separated! So much to think about, to make sure of, to plan.If it happens, it will be for next fall, so I do have time. But.. she's my baby. And its hard, so hard, to let go.

tithing...and chi

2011-11-06T21:01:00.000-08:00

I happened to read this just before Sihing Prince posted about her gift, and it twigged that I should write about it. In kungfu we talk about chi, releasing it, moving it, feeling it. Here is another look at energy..in a different form.
"Understanding how tithing works metaphysically helps skeptics become more open to the ways in which its practice can enrich our lives. Spiritual law, no matter which path, tells us as we give, so shall we receive. We realize that money is a form of energy. Energy does not increase if it's hoarded. Energy must circulate freely for power to be released. When we receive an increase of money in our lives, giving away a portion of that money keeps the channels of abundance circulating freely, as Spirit intended.
On a practical level, tithing allows us to express our thanksgiving with action. Returning some of the material good we receive is a tangible demonstration of trust. But also, tithing changes our attitudes about money. We become expectant, anticipating the best.
Some people say if yo don't have much money to spare, its just as good to tithe your time or goods. Its been my discovery that when I tithe time, I receive more time. When I tithe goods, I receive gifts."
Master Brinker has always encouraged us to give, to take our kung fu out of the kwoon; its interesting to think of our chi, our energy, doesnt decrease when we give of our time, money and things....rather it releases power, just like a kick or punch, only in a positive way. So everytime we give, we release energy for good! Makes the idea of tithing much more appealing when I think of it like that....can I afford NOT to?

UBBT goals

2011-10-29T17:15:00.001-07:00

Been thinking alot lately of my goals this year, and goals for next year. With this being my first year of UBBT, I did shoot high. And I can see that I wont meet all my goals. The funny thing is I'm ok with that--but not because I'm being lazy, but because its helped me evaluate. How badly did I really want to achieve that goal? Did I avoid it? How can I achieve it next year? Like my one goal of kayak certification: I should have done some research first. When(in late spring, early summer) I started looking into it, the courses I needed were already done for the year, gotta wait till next feb-march. Oops. But I did still go kayaking, did some research, did some practicing, and will probably make that a goal for next year again.
I think I struggled the most with non-kung fu related things--its been really hard to achieve some these other goals when I'm so focussed on the physical, yet I know I need the balance. That will continue to be a theme, I think. I have very much enjoyed the reading challenge and the date/friend-get- together challenge. It has put fun back into life, something that was definitely lacking.
I have enjoyed this team very much; I feel like I have much more of a connection to the kwoon than I ever did. I am richer for being given the chance to know more of the family of silent river than I did. For that alone, I think I would call this year a success.
So heres to next year! May it be as stretching as this one has been!

Yet more on food...

2011-10-17T21:12:00.000-07:00

I think I've done more research on food, healthy living and exercise this year than I ever have, and as a medical professional I have to say, our system worries me. We trust so blindly that what our doctor/pharmacist/specialist/tv/government tells us is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, only to discover later that they were wrong, so sorry. We cant afford to be complacent with our health; now more than ever. Our health, and our childrens, depend on it.Just as our training in kungfu is in our own hands, so is our health and well-being, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I was sent this article the other day, and I think its worth a look. Its about wheat...or what we THOUGHT was wheat, and some of the things our modern day science has done to it--with good intentions. It sounds interesting enough...and lines up with other things that I've read and heard this year that you may want to take a gander.
http://www.fathead-movie.com/index.php/2011/09/12/interview-with-wheat-belly-author-dr-william-davis

Another good book that is an eye opener is Good Calories, Bad calories; challenging the conventional wisdom on diet, weight control and disease by Gary Taubes
Be mindful. Be healthy (and insane trying to make sense of it all)

Hats off to the Fab Five

2011-10-09T08:20:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to blog how much of an inspiration Sihings Lindstrom, Wiebe, Prince, Kichko and Gamble have been over this past year. Watching how you have supported, tested and helped one another to get to the black belt test has been awesome. You've helped take some of the fear and mysticism out of it (sorry Sifu!) and helped me see it in terms of the steps to achieve to get there. Perhaps I've seen more of the group support being in UBBT than the rest of the school, but you've set a wonderful example of teamwork...and a high bar to shoot for. I am sorry for myself that you went ahead of me:) but I wish you every bit of luck and courage as you test next week.

A day hopefully forgotten...soon!

2011-10-03T19:18:00.000-07:00

Its amazing how fast a day can go to pot! I think I had the worst day I've had in a long time; I actually had to lock myself in the bathroom and cry before I could go back to work. If I could quit, I would have.
I am so grateful for friends who keep me going with texts (not that they all knew it was a bad day), home and family, and for headphones that block out the world while I swing a weapon around. It does help recenter me alot and imagining all kinds of things while I'm practicing helps even more).
I'm also grateful for the UBBT group we have this year, for the opportunity to get to know each other better. And I think this dragon dance challenge is pulling us together even more as we have to trust and lean on each other. Even when we almost kill each other in practice (sorry Sihing Gamble!). Thanks for the positives to focus on and look forward too..maybe they'll make the rest of my life bearable.

stretching myself

2011-09-23T21:36:00.000-07:00

I finally did it...I booked myself a trip to mexico this christmas. I know, I know, you all hate me, but suck it up. It took alot to do it. First, I've never been anywhere. Yes, you heard me, ANYWHERE, and all I've EVER wanted to do was travel. But there was school, then job, marriage, kids, divorce....any number of things that always took precidence. I turn 40 this 2012; and even though I didnt make this a UBBT goal, its whats really in my heart, what I really want. So, even if I cant afford it, I'm going. Theres so much to see and experience in this world! And even if this is a very short, basic trip (one of my dreams is to hike the Inca trail to Machu Picu) its a baby step in the right direction. I may not come back:)

Learning....

2011-09-19T21:28:00.001-07:00

Lots of stuff buzzing around in the brain; sometimes I need just to get it down on paper(or whatever) before it will all make some sort of sense. If you've ever seen the comedian that compares mens brains to womens brains--men think in boxes, one at a time, women its like a mess of interconnected wires--you'd know this is pretty close to the truth. Sean once asked me what I was thinking, and for fun I told him exactly everything--now he's learned to ask just for the top 3:)
So with that in mind.....
Master Brinker talked in the UBBT meeting about how many perfectionists there seem to be training sometimes....I am one! I have a real hard time asking for help (even though I need it), and seem to labor under the impression I am meant to struggle on alone. Don't ask me why.
Trying to teach my kids to be in charge of their own health, diet, and destiny without my continued reminders--yeah, thats gonna take a while.....
Love how we're trying a new way of training in the morning class--being responsible for our own training by deciding what to work on and approaching the instructor rather than him trying to herd us all in a multitude of directions. (hopefully we're better at it then my kids...)
Struggling with an injury(although I'm not sure how I got it) to leg muscles and getting annoyed that its taking its sweet time to go away
Struggling with the idea of Sanshou class--want to, to get better, but scared to death
Enjoying the fall, time with my kids and Sean, especially on sundays when time to relax and just BE is there. Love it.
Reading about marriage this time, and how it too is a struggle for mastery--of ourselves, if its to be successful. Sounds like kung fu again...
And most importantly, pondering WHY dogs have to find carpet when they have accidents as I spend my evening shampooing carpet and deciding whether or not he lives or dies. Whoo hoo.

meditation

2011-09-11T19:04:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a book on trancendence meditation lately; what drew me to the book was that is written by a psychiatrist and researcher--cant get much more scientific than that! And I admit, I'm a skeptic about meditation, among other things. In the book he talks both about personal experience (his own and many other testimonies) and also what research has shown about this particular form of meditation. I was quite amazed to see the good it can do for heart disease and other problems, and also for mental illnesses as well as everyday stress. Its not a cure-all of course--but the good it does(without the medication side effects!) does make me think more about perhaps trying this. The good it has done people's mental health was very interesting too, knowing the attention our kwoon has given these issues, trying to make people more aware.
Lots of the things I've been learning this year (and have always been interested in) is about prevention. I don't WANT to end up like alot of the patients I see, and it has always motivated me to look for ways to avoid health troubles. And ways to help my kids choose better than we did, and be able to show them why they should choose these habits. Stress is one we all wish we had a better handle on, one I wish I could protect them from. Perhaps this would be good for all of us. Sitting still has always been a novelty....

A UBBT goal

2011-09-07T16:57:00.000-07:00

One of my goals this year in UBBT was to read 20 books; didnt sound too bad, and I have always loved to read so I figured it would be a good thing to get back into. Then, in talking to others doing the same, I felt like I wasnt challenging myself enough--after all, I can burn off a book in a day if its really good--so I decided to only count books that a) I hadnt read before, and b) were books that were different then my usual. ( Not just novels, in other words.) This has been a really awesome goal--I have learned so much this year,been challenged, moved and stretched just from this one goal. I've had books recommended by fellow students, ones I've seen mentioned in the UBBT site, listed on other blogs....its been amazing! The mind stretching that has happened has been really cool--including 'Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance' that is required reading for Sihing. I didnt get it done before the cutoff date, but it along with most of the books I've been reading, is NOT a quick read. I took my time with it and thoroughly enjoyed the brain stretch it gave me:) Anyone thinking of doing UBBT next year, I encourage you to give this goal a try...you might be surprised what you discover.

Am I serving kungfu or is it serving me?

2011-08-29T21:35:00.000-07:00

With a 2 weeks of vacation under my belt, and now a week off of training, it seems a good time to reevaluate my training and how I feel about it. I have noticed I cyle in and out of enthusiasm; but that aside, I do feel a distinct lack of enthusiasm lately, and I wonder. Am I serving my kungfu or it me? What were my goals way back when, and have they been met, or have I strayed? Am I bored of kungfu or am I bored with how I do my art? Not easy questions and the answers arent forthcoming either.
Can I turn my training upside down and do something completely different with it? Do I walk away from almost 5 years of work? Can I stop stressing about my training long enough to step back and enjoy it for the art it is?
Time to let the subconscious step in and guide for awhile....

Back Again....????

2011-08-21T22:14:00.001-07:00

Its been a wonderful couple of weeks for vacation; went down to the lower mainland and stayed at alouette lake at the provincial park. Kayaked, swam, hiked, had nerf wars in the trees with the kids....why did I come home again? I admit I didnt do much training, although the acts of kindness found its way everyday, and I was much more working on the spiritual parts of training. (which is sorely lacking sometimes.) I've been reading alot about change, direction, what is my passions in life, etc. As was mentioned in a previous post, its scary to break the mold.

What did I learn in my travels? I'm learning who I am and where I want to be. And I dont think I'm anywhere close to that yet.

One thing I did read (when I did actually sit down...wasnt often!) that I thought was a funny coincidence; first Master Brinkers post before I left with the cat staring at you (perspective), then reading abit of Zen and motorcycle maintenance, then this:

"Cats are spontaneous, content to live in the present moment. They're small, shedding, scratching, inscrutable Zen masters senet to teach us the paradox of undoing in a hectic world where things always have to be done"

I want to be a cat.

gearing up...for rest?

2011-08-02T21:46:00.000-07:00

I swear that it takes more effort to relax sometimes than just to keep going. This last weekend(and this week) my family and I are gearing up to go on vacation....and its a mad house. And in the middle of it all its "oh yeah, my UBBT requirements!" Crazyness! I'll need a vacation to recover from the vacation:)
I am looking forward to the rest, yet hate to let go the routine; am I alone in feeling that when I step out of my routine, its unknown just what will happen? Everytime I go on vacation, take a weekend away, whatever, I am overwhelmed with the desire to just keep going. If I were near a boat I'd be setting sail for unknown lands, to hell with the consequences. Every year the desire is stronger. Am I alone in this?
At any rate, I will see everyone for one more class, fitness and otherwise, then its off to the wild blue yonder. Time to set sail!! Oh wait....was I supposed to rest?

kayaking

2011-07-24T21:57:00.000-07:00

This weekend Sean and I had the opportunity to try a river kayak trip--without our kids. (This is important, as they arent real good paddlers yet, so didnt want to freak them out the first time!) It was awesome! I did have to miss Sat. fitness class and open training to do it, but I figured the break was warranted. And what did I find? That I was looking for the 6 harmonies in my strokes; that I was using meditation tactics to be quiet and contemplative, open to the gifts the day offered. The strength and flexibility gained from training was a big help. Kung fu is everywhere.
I've had alot of messages by different mediums that I need to have solitude time; quiet time (not easy for someone who's always gotta be DOING!) This was truely a gift of that quiet. Can't wait to do it again!

changing of goals

2011-07-18T21:36:00.001-07:00

One of my goals this year was to track my fruit/veg consumption, as well as my grains/breads; one, to get a handle on what I eat, and to remind myself to eat balanced. Two, to limit my grains and breads as they dont always agree with me...at least my gut. My tastebuds and stomach like them just fine! I had gotten away from tracking the exact numbers as they no longer had meaning; I've been learning alot about what seems to work for me, and perhaps that would seem the challenge is complete. But I'm taking this a step further.

I have ulcerative colitis; have had for a number of years, and for the most part, it leaves me alone. The last few years though, have been high stress, and its not been as quiet as my specialist and I would like. Their solution; more, stronger drugs. Mine; diet. I had tried a GI healing diet a year ago for 2 months and I was impressed, but it is hard to stick to (especially on vacation!) But this time, I'm trying it for 3 months--culminating in a colonoscopy that hopefully will show a happier gut that even the doctor can be happy with. I've got a few things to try during this 3 months too....supplements i will add at some point, a run of pro-biotics, things like that.

This isnt normally something I like to talk about,(it's really not that interesting. The recipes Ms Donahue is passing on look good though!) Like all our other goals, please check on me sometimes....keep me on track team! Thanks in advance!

breath....and air

2011-07-14T22:11:00.000-07:00

I've been reading David Suzukis book,'The Legacy' and the part on air struck an accord, especially after reading Sifu Regiers blog on breath. To quote' We cannot draw a line that delineates where air ends and we begin because air is in us, fused to our lungs and circulating in our bloodstream. We are air. When you exhale, the breath that leaves your nose quickly mixes with the air and goes straight up the nose of anyone nearby. If I am air and you are air then I am you. And we are embedded in the matrix of air not just with all other people on the planet but also with the trees adn birds and spiders and snakes....Air is more than just a physical component of Earth; it is a SACRED element giving life to all terrestrial organismslinking all life in a single matrix, and joining past, present, and future in a single flowing entity. Our great boast is the possession of intelligence, but what intelligent creature, knowing the critical role of air for all life on Earth, would then proceed to deliberately pour toxic materials into it? We ARE air, so whatever we do to air, we do to ourselves. And this is true of the other sacred elements (earth, air, fire.)'
Kinda makes that breath abit more important, doesnt it?

Is your warranty run out?

2011-07-11T07:38:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, I am an xray tech; I've worked both in hospitals and clinics, the clinic stint being the most recent. There is alot of differences in the jobs in the type of people you see, and i've been learning alot about consequences from that. In the hospital I would see the immediant results of our foolishness of course--broken legs, whatever. Now in the clinic, I am seeing the results of those injuries in the longterm...how they affect us years later, or even continuously from the original injury. How one injury causes us to favor a part, which puts strain on another part, causing more issues....you get the picture. Remember that song ' the knee bones connected to the leg bone.....'
My co-workers and I have a theory; your warranty is up at 40. Just like a car, it seems, things start to go wrong as soon as the warranty is up. Knees, hips, back, neck. Oh yay. But not everyone is the same, just like cars. Some of us are lucky and are honda or subarus....may not come see me till 60! Some are chevys and fords; not so lucky. But I am really starting to see the benefits of early 'good maintenance'. Taking our vitamens. Drinking that milk. Eating our veggies. But especially the benefits of that at a very young age. Like doing all the maintenance checks and programs the dealership gives you to do on a new car. Its not going to keep your car perfect forever, but it avoids alot of problems later. I see that in our own bodies too; how laying a good foundation for ourselves when we were young with our health helps so much in later years. Not that it isnt good later too, dont get me wrong, but essential for our kids.I read somewhere that we 'set' our bone density/strength in the ages of 11-13. So if our kids are drinking 1 glass of milk(1/3 of the recommended intake) and drinking 2 pop (which has high potassium? I think it was, that actually causes the body to dump calcium) then they are dumping out more calcium then they are taking in. I never knew this as a kid!
It seems we have to be deliberate in our health and our parenting too--setting goals for what we want for our children, what we wish them to learn and benefit from. What do we wish them to learn from the mistakes we've made or the aha! moments. Sounds alot like the black belt cycle of success doesnt it?

extra post...

2011-07-05T21:32:00.000-07:00

I had an aha moment last sat, and I should have posted it; better late than never I guess! I was kinda irritated at my fitness test at boot camp....mostly that my numbers hadnt really improved from last year in things like the kicks and the run. I did ok, dont get me wrong, just seemed like they shouldve improved after a year of more intense training. (Forget that the day was more physically demanding than last year. Work with me:)) Then in fitness class on sat, Sifu Prince was talking about recovery time; in the first 5 mins after something intense, how well you recover is a good indication of your fitness level. And I realized how much faster and easier I was recovering this year. Now I feel like I DID achieve something this year--and I AM more fit. And it feels good:)

2x4s...and repeated blows to the head

2011-07-04T21:45:00.000-07:00

Ever noticed how if the universe has something to teach you, it repeatedly hits you on the head with the concept until you cry uncle? I've had a few different books I've read, videos I've watched that have continued to nag at me that I'm not living the life I want; theres more I need to do and be. Its annoying to be sure; don't know how or when things will or can change. But theres hope too....maybe, just maybe, I'll figure out what on earth I have any gifts in, and most importantly, where they would be most beneficially used:) Heres hoping the universe has bread crumbs to lead me, not just 2x4s to hit me with.

Boot camp....and teamwork

2011-06-27T17:40:00.001-07:00

As I'm sure everyone of us will blog this week, its my turn to comment on our saturday endeavor. In a nutshell, my butt still hurts, and when I was getting ready to run this morning, my legs were definitely questioning my sanity:) That being said, it was a great time, hard of course, but at the end of the day, I am proud of what we all accomplished together. And it WAS together. Everybody cheered on everyone else, all of our efforts were celebrated from the fastest to the slowest. Each of us pushed ourselves and knew the rest of the team was there to catch or celebrate, whatever the case may be. And I wish more people would experience that in their kungfu journey. I know I just floated through for a couple of years; being in the early morning class has helped me find a small group to connect with.(We are very few.....hint hint early risers!!) But I had never felt that connected to the kwoon until I started the I Ho Chaun class and fitness class. Both are very good at bringing people together, making us into the team or family Master Brinker is always telling us we are. It is the "extras" outside of class that have made all the difference. Who knows? I may even try San Sou some day:)

confessions

2011-06-22T22:01:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago we were asked in sihing class if we knew what was the one thing we needed to work on; what we were weak in. When some of us didnt put up our hands immediantly, it was mentioned perhaps we needed to think about it and figure it out. I was one, but part of the reason my hand didnt jump up was I have a list of things I need work on, and couldnt say which was the number one:) I know I have ALOT to learn and do before I am ready to test;( will I ever really BE ready?) One thing that HAS impressed itself on me is that I am very...close mouthed, I guess, about things that bother me or that I need help with. Partly, because I know we're expected to figure things out ourselves, so I dont want to cheat. Also, others are busy with things they are trying to do, and unless I know they have the time I dont want to interrupt their practice. Dont want to insult my instructors or make them look bad by asking for help elsewhere. Hmm, what else? I'm terrified to spar sometimes--getting better, but not great. I'm afraid to break down in front of anyone especially when sparring. (Only my partner or parents have seen me break down for any reason, and even my parents not much!) Sihing class freaks me out still...
Bottom line, I am a basket case,lol, but I rarely EVER will let you know. I am trying to change; I do still show up for sihing class, I try to spar when I can. I will try ask more often for help. A work in progress I am....as we all are:)

journalling

2011-06-14T20:17:00.000-07:00

During our UBBT meeting, our commitment to journalling was discussed, and it began to impress on me that I need to be journalling more. Our commitment is to journal once a week, which I have been, but if I really want a more accurate record of this journey, closer to daily would be better. I know some days I dont have much to say, but even being aware of when i struggle and just getting the constant mind talk out of my head and on paper helps clear my mind. I always think I'm too busy to write, but if I can fit in pushups and lots of swinging my spear, running my kids around to the 3 million things they do, I could fit that in too. After all, whats one more thing....???

temptation

2011-06-07T19:28:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd got beyond collecting things. I do have a few things I like, but I dont collect them just to have. I hate clutter, and I'm always trying to get rid of stuff. That being said, I found out what tempts me yesterday; as I was hemming and hawing about going to boot camp, this years weapon was waved in front of me. Suddenly, I'm signed up and thrilled to death to have a new toy. Now I just have to figure out how to tell my coworker I'm skipping her wedding due to new toys....

tournament

2011-05-30T17:41:00.000-07:00

It was a busy weekend with the tournament for our school. It was very cool to be able to see everyone compete...the little ones were awesome! I especially like watching the black belts to see how I could improve and where I'm heading with my training. I do wish more had come out to participate...but I know how hesitant I always am too. Maybe the pictures and video will encourage more to come out next year if it goes again. I was mostly happy not to lose grip of my spear and skewer someone so all is well!
The next day was nice to, enjoying the come down from the tournament, and doing some kayaking. Which is alot of circular movement too--hips,shoulders, legs and arms all moving together in the harmonies...kung fu is everywhere.

where, what and why?

2011-05-25T21:08:00.000-07:00

Maybe its the rain, maybe its the tournament, maybe its the 3 day weekend where I actually got to relax....what is that word again?...but the question WHY has come up. Where am I? I can answer that. What am I doing (and what intensity level am I doing it at?) that too, I can answer. Might not be a great answer (like I'm at intensity of one!) but I can answer it. WHY am I doing it? That one has me bogged. Spring cleaning of the mind I guess; I cant find an answer I am happy with yet, for most of the things in my life, not just kungfu. The WHY escapes me .Reasons I had in the past no longer hold true, or have changed. Its hard to increase my intensity in some areas when the passion to do it or a reason to be passionate about it, just isnt there. Perhaps a vacation.....

training

2011-05-16T21:02:00.000-07:00

Not too much to blog about today, just a comment on how much I appreciate training; it keeps me focused, helps me remain calm. I had some ups and downs today and for awhile was so angry I wasnt sure I could even go to class and be able to leave life outside the kwoon. But, as always, I got there, was distracted and enjoyed myself. Thanks guys.

forms seminar

2011-05-03T20:25:00.000-07:00

This weekend I had the privilege of attending the forms seminar put on by our school. It was a pretty good turn out I think, although I'm sure all the black belts would like to see more people utilizing this resource. I kinda wish I could do a one-on-one for an hour every weekend till I got through all my forms, just to see what else I need to work on! I took on an ambitious form that I hadnt learned yet, and did get halfway through it. The hardest part is always the performance at the end, and the critique. I did learn alot about the forms done by my classmates; knowing the form made it easy to see where I could improve by the critique they were given, so I am grateful for that. The part I found amusing was the scoring and the winner; to be honest, I never heard a single score, I was just waiting to run off the stage; and apparently I wasnt the only one! Some things I learned besides the technical stuff; I hate being up in front of audiences. I dont take criticism well. I dont take compliments well either. I love the spear. Profound? No.

stretching my limits

2011-04-24T18:47:00.000-07:00

This weekend for fitness class, Sifu Regier was pinch hitting and decided to take us for a little 'stroll'. I'll admit when I saw the post on kwoon talk to bring shoes, I cringed. I havent ran very much this year, in fact that was my fourth time out and all the others had been just short jogs with walks. I was afraid I wasnt up to the challenge, but stubborn enough to show up anyway. I think we all amazed ourselves. First, that everyone that showed up, was very encouraging of each other--that we showed up! Mr Hamiltons young son even ran it in rubber boots! Thats showing us adults up.lol. No whining from the rest of us, when he could do that. We ended up running somewhere between 8 and 10km we figured...awesome!! I've NEVER run that distance before--never even considered that I could! I completely amazed and curious now to know how many other barriers I've set for myself that are holding me back without my realizing it. Hopefully this year of UBBT will continue to be a barrier shattering time. I may just have to go for another long run tomorrow to celebrate.

running as meditation

2011-04-18T21:26:00.000-07:00

Spring is here---the paths in Stony are (mostly) clear, and its time to run again. This is the first time EVER that I actually am chomping at the bit to get out and go for a run. I've been running in the non-snow months now for 2 years--this will be my third, and I'm amazed to find I really missed it this winter. It is becoming a meditation ritual for me; a running meditation as I try and focus on my breath, on my stride, and basically just enjoy the moment. I love the crisp air, the quiet, the sunrise. ( I could do without the dog making his messes as we run, but hey. Thats life.) Not that I'm good--I always start back up with the couch to 5km running pod casts and work my way back up to 5 km. Slow and steady and I'm at peace. All may yet be very well.

look where you want to go

2011-04-11T21:38:00.000-07:00

One of the goals I gave myself this year has been to read 20 books--at least half of them not novels, and its been interesting to say the least! Not that I dont like to read; there was a time I'd have laughed at the paltry number. But the challenge to read at least half in books that are challenging my mindset has really been an awesome thing. Alot of the books I have chosen have been recommended by other UBBT members, whether our own team or mentioned on the UBBT site; some I eat up, others I have started then given up on. In all of this, I have been stretched.
One such book has really brought home a quote I stuck on my blog 'Look where you want to go.' It actually came from watching canadas worst driver, but it struck me as appropriate at the beginning of the UBBT--to focus on where I wanted to be. And in my reading, it just brought it back to my attention again; Look where you want to go--or how will you get there? Just like our forms, look at your opponent, or how will you hit him? I want to hit my goals-so I will keep them before me, to remind me the choices I make today should aim me in their direction.

Blowing the dust off

2011-04-04T16:58:00.001-07:00

This past weekend, I had the gift of attending a ladies retreat through my church. Its been awhile since I've attended to anything spiritual and I confess I was definitely dry. It was nice to come away from everything, yes even kungfu, and as our leader put it, 'blow the dust off our souls.' I know part of this journey is spiritual as well as physical and mental; I tend to get caught up with the physical to my determent sometimes. One 'nugget' I took away from this weekend was there is no perfect balance in life--we're not standing still. We need to have rhythm. And to see how we're doing, we need to pay attention to it. Now whether you're jazz, reggai or other...thats up to you:)

Food...wonderful fuel

2011-03-28T21:13:00.000-07:00

Over the last month our UBBT team here at Silent River has been blogging our food diaries--and it been an interesting read, both my own and my teammates. I've learned something about myself but also my team. For example, I've noticed quite a few members seem to be able to exist, as quoted in kungfu panda, ' on the dew off a gingo leaf and the energy of the universe.' And just like Po, I definitely need more than dew! Forget to eat? Not a chance!! Quite the opposite, I love to eat! I know having kids and being responsible for occasionally feeding them keeps food at the forefront of my thoughts--I'm usually planning dinner before I've finished my breakfast. And its not a bad thing.I have been trying to think more of my food being 'fuel', taking note of what I seem to need at different times, but I really like making my fuel as premium and delicious as possible too. So, alas, I shall always be a clydsdale, or a panda...and dew will never be on the menu....but I will be a well fueled one:)

power of the tongue

2011-03-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

Its really hard to get the gumption to write this week; physically and mentally I feel beaten. Physically I am sick; lovely. Nothing like that to sink your numbers! Mentally and emotionally,I feel sick too. My work place has been slowly becoming toxic and it blew up big in the last couple of weeks. Its not very comfortable at all anymore. Worse yet, I discovered that things I had said had been interpreted differently than my intentions. The bible speaks of the power of life and death being in the tongue, and its very accurate. I hurt a friend unintentionally by being careless. I did not mean to hurt, but that doesnt absolve me. We have talked it over, hopefully we can still be friends. Now I doubt everything I say and do; I don't want to hurt anyone by something so stupid, that is supposedly under my control. Lesson learned? Hopefully. Sometimes it seems it takes God/the universe/whatever you believe in a 2x4 upside the head to get a lesson through. I think I've had a few whacks before, seems I need more.

lack of tv....thank goodness

2011-03-13T18:58:00.000-07:00

Just for something different, we decided to traumatize our children this weekend watching 'Supersize me'. I actually hadnt seen it yet (yeah, yeah, I know I'm behind) and I have to say, I learned something unexpected from it. I am grateful my kids have been growing up without tv. I do not have cable, satellite, or even local channels. I know this is seen as an oddity; its not because I'm on a big crusade or something. I grew up without it (my dad got fed up with fights over what the family was watching) and I never really missed it. Contrary, it has helped me have some very different viewpoints than friends growing up, mostly because I hadnt seen all the commercials and glitz about something, so when you're left with just the end product, most of the time, its not all that great.
Now my kids are growing up, starting the teen years, and they also havent had tv to inflluence them, and they too have some definite opinions about things, like fast food. They actually would rather not go out for most fast food.In the movie, they mentioned how many commercials kids are seeing, showed how most of us can sing the jingles and recognize characters like Ronald McDonald better than our national anthem and our leaders of the country. Its scary too to see how much influence the boob tube has! And what that food its advertising is doing to us. One of my kids is a step daughter who lives mostly with her mom, and gets to watch tv alot. The differences in the kids is astounding to me, for attitude to adults, food, boys, clothes,you name it. I can only hope we make some dent in her thinking when she's with us; it was mostly for her that we watched that movie, but it was good for all of us. We don't actually eat out very often between cost and listening to the arguments of kids who cant decide what to eat. Plus, we're finding that since we like to cook, we can do better at home--and kick them off to play while we relax and enjoy the rest of our dinner--always a bonus!
And do I miss tv? Not really. I did have satellite hooked up for a year while I had a roommate, and then 9 months after my partner moved in. Did we watch much? I had it shut off when I realized we had watched only a couple hours in that time; and that was the final hockey game of the olympics. Definitely not worth the money! And I'm grateful my kids are growing up slowly, having a chance to make up their own minds--without tv making opinions for them. Should be interesting to see if it carries through to a 3rd generation!

Nothing profound

2011-03-06T11:25:00.000-08:00

Nothing profound to write about this week, just things that have made impressions. I'm making a discovery journal, as part of my requirements. Involves some cut and paste; images, sayings that make an impression on me all just glued or wrote into the journal. Its interesting to see what interests me/ has always interested me or did in the past. One saying came from our UBBT main site; looking for the magic in the moment. ( or as Master Brinker says, be mindful of the moment.) Looking for something that speaks to me where I am right here, right now. Try it, you might be surprised at what you learn about yourself.

Balance....or not

2011-02-27T15:43:00.000-08:00

I've been contemplating the balance of physical vs spiritual in this UBBT challenge. Seems like I'm mostly caught up iin the physical; knowing I'm getting closer to black belt also adds fuel to that fire. I know that I have to be able to perform to a certain level, and with the usual limited time we all have I focus mostly on the physical. Also, one of my goals was to spend a certain amount of time doing kungfu a day; so I changed my workouts to be practice of kung fu. But with our group contemplating doing body for life, or something else like I've done P90X before, what then? Do other workouts and then try to fit in kung fu on top? Then the spiritual really takes a beating! Maybe if I just stopped working I could fit it all in......course then I couldnt afford to eat let alone go to class, so I guess thats out. (Darn it all.) I have been keeping up with my daily reads and a gratitude journal; it is definitely making a difference in my attitude as well as the 1000 acts of kindness. They anchor my thoughts to what I could be doing for others. Is it enough? I dont know. Suggestions are surely welcome, especially in the physical dilemma. How DOES everyone fit all this in?

Enviromental practicioner

2011-02-21T08:25:00.000-08:00

I've been reading alot about our environment lately--UBBT's fault, making me feel guilty enough to change my reading goal of 20 books to at least 15 of those being of substance:). I picked up the term enviromental practicioner in 'Planet Walker' by John Francis; one of somebody's recommended reads on this site. I love the term because, and I quote, it implies becoming and doing something in order to improve. Which is exactly what we are striving to do with UBBT with ourselves and our martial arts so it fits in well to add the world into that as well. But how? And then I've been also reading this other very cool book, called 'Cradle to Cradle' that challenges how we think of enviromental defense completely. In essence, it shows how uneffective just 'Reduce Reuse and Recycle' is by itself (let's just poison ourselves slower) but how if we could take a tip from nature, and change things right at the beginning of a product, we could have industry AND a healthier world. eg, fabric as its currently made, its trim ends from factory IS CURRENTLY CONSIDERED TOXIC WASTE!!!( BUT WE'RE SAFE TO WEAR THIS STUFF???) could instead be made to be thrown away guilt free at the end, even with relish, because it has been designed to be a boon to the environment, not a burden. And also, nothing in the making of this product hurt anything, actually it left things like the water used, cleaner than before. What a concept for creativity! And what a cool way to approach the problem of our way of life; not as a complete failure, but as a lack of creativity. It certainly inspires me alot more than just guilt--it gives vision.
As I was excited telling my parents about this, they were quite negative--having seen and heard lots in their time about big business and how it is very hard to change things as one person. I agree,but I'm not alone--I have a very big family in this martial art community. I know alot of us are concerned about our environment, and together we have a voice. We range from all walks of life, yet our concern is the same and its real. I don't want to give up as many I know have; I'm very grateful to be part of a group that is willing to be a voice for change. I doubt I could stand on my own, but together we are stronger. And having been intriguged enough to talk about this, I hope I can find a way to be a part of the solution.
the book is 'Cradle to Cradle' by William McDonough and Micheal Braungart if anyone is interested:)

vertically challenged

2011-02-13T08:59:00.000-08:00

I discovered something this week that is going to be a real challenge to me as I progress in my kungfu. I am vertically challenged. And no, I don't mean my height, although I barely scrape a 5"2, thats not the issue, (although it could contribute.) I've discovered I have a real aversion to leaving the floor in any vertical fashion. How did I discover this in myself? We were practicing scissor kicks in class, something I havent really done before. Now, the start of the practice wasnt too bad; practice against a mat, hitting low, basically like a side breakfall. (That being said, I still managed to give myself whiplash by not breakfalling properly, but that 'kicked in' later. ) Then my Sifu tried to get me to try the kick at waist level; I could NOT get my foot to leave the ground. I could get the 1 leg up and then...nothing. I couldnt convince my body to get the other up. It was frustrating!! It wasnt even a feeling of fear at the time, just a clear, NO, from my body. In retrospect, its funny, but at the time, not.
I have had inklings of this before; I've always felt better being well grounded. In wrestling, animal soccer and other crazy things from my youth, being centered and low to the ground has served me well. In class when we do things like vertical jumps, my height I gain certainly has never been impressive. Its like trying to get a tree to jump, but the roots keep getting in the way. At any rate, it is something to work on. Hopefully without the whiplash or killing of my partner. (Wearing a cup seems like a wise move for this kick.) This tree may yet learn to fly.
Having reached brown belt, I'm starting to run into a few things that are challenging me in the fear category; things I havent had to do much of, or havent done yet that scare me sometimes. I know its all in my own head; fear of disappointing my instructors, of not succeeding that I'll never 'get it'. It is hard to admit the fear, let alone face it. Harder yet to do so to my instructors and class mates although I know they would be understanding. Asking for help may be the hardest challenge this year. Its funny how there are somethings that I have no problem asking for help and others that it is an emotionally charged issue. Do I just not want anyone to know how much I am committed to some things? To having that devotion ridiculed? Or maybe I just think to much. It is sunday, after all.:)

together we stand..

2011-02-07T22:16:00.001-08:00

I, too, was unsure of what to blog about this week, but Mr Regiers post got me thinking too.I have really appreciated the inspiration and encouragement the team has been to me this year. It has helped me step up my training and start making more progress towards earning my black belt. Yes, I have a few steps to go before that, but with the support and challenge of those around me, I will get there much faster than on my own. I am reminded of another time I had this type of experience; I have served at christian summer camps before and the incredible years were those in which we pulled together and bonded as team. We met, prayed, laughed, cryed, challenged and grew together. The hardest thing in the world was leaving that at the end of the summer for what my parents called 'the real world'. But as Mr Regier said, this isnt the real world. This is just existence. I have never been more alive or real then when I have been a part of something more; something greater than myself. I can only hope we can continue to grow as a team and transcend what we thought we could do; for what we achieve together will be so much more than just the number of reps we do.
Thank you Mr Regier for reminding me of this.
Krysta Lowery, Silent River kung fu team

rest.........

2011-01-30T15:00:00.000-08:00

Its funny how my thoughts today are following another teammates; I love my sunday day of rest. I, too, try very hard to not train or have any other commitments. And as I relax here on the couch in the sun, I have to wish I had more time to reflect like this. The contentment is almost palpable here in the house, as we all have some well deserved 'down time'. And it is this time when I can think and reflect on my training, life and family, that I am learning to treasure the most. I also treasure this time in the light; yes sunlight. I work indoors, away from windows and in the winter, its dark when I go to work and when I come home. (although thats starting to change already. Hallelujah!) The light has such a profound affect on mood for me. I think I must have been a plant in my former life.
Music, couch, sunlight, fuzzy snuggly dog and family to sit and talk with. A simple but awesome recipe for happiness and contentment. Its a lesson I wish I remembered more often; and one I hope my kids will do too.

Gratitude....and goals.

2011-01-23T15:42:00.000-08:00

Its interesting how I break down following my goal; physical stuff, mon-fri (plus open training sat.). Mental goals, weekends. I've tried to make sure sunday is a full day of rest from all my planned physical activities (yes,even pushups!) and believe me, my body appreciates it! And I find it leaves me time to work on the other goals in the lineup, like reading, or drawing. My reading has been very interesting lately, and has really focused my thoughts on gratitude, people and life in general.
Case in point; we had a discussion both on kwoon talk and on sat, about the random acts of kindness; what were we counting, what did each of us consider an act of kindness. I've started including some of the things I do around the house....with guidelines. I've noticed that if I decide to do something, like the dishes, it has to be done without complaining and with a grateful heart that I can do this small thing for my family. Now dishes doesnt normally have this effect; quite the opposite usually. And I do still expect my kids to do them too. But when I can find contentment, even joy in the little things I do for another, its a real shift in my attitude. How many times have I helped a stranger but not been even a little willing to help those I profess to love the most? Why do they get the short end of the stick, to steal a quote? I confess I dont know how I allowed myself to get lazy this way; although I do see it alot in other families that doesnt excuse it. I hope I can make this a permanent change, and that in turn, my children will be trained by example, on how to treat their future families too. A simple change, but yet with potential to be very far reaching

Goals

2011-01-16T20:12:00.000-08:00

I'm so glad so many of us have been posting our goals; my lament for last years team was that so few had posted, I didnt have much to guide me when I tried to make my own.My goals:
50 000 situps and pushups
1000 rounds cane form
500 hrs of kungfu
25 000 mixed kicks
400 hrs of horse stance (Note: I messed up with those numbers!!! but since we need some goals in the stars...)
Read 20 books
Paint or draw a large picture of a dragon
achieve my paddling certification
work my way through a daily gratitude meditation book....and finish it this time
25 dates with Sean(no kids)
1750 servings of fruit/veg
no more thatn 1100 servings of bread/grain products
Goals that I meant to include, but forgot, so I'm doing them anyways;
500 3 min rounds of sparring
1000 acts of random kindness

I know I will really need my teams help with the sparring one; I admit I HATE sparring, which is one of the reasons I included it. It could be a women thing, but whatever it is, I hope I can count on my teams help to get past this, and learn to enjoy it. Feel free to come make me spar in open training!!
Besides all this, I have been reading a book called 'Tuesdays with Morrie" and its been really making me think. About things like the present, enjoying what I have, not wanting to buy into the culture of our society( and being glad I'm not the only one who thinks that way!) but especially about 'where am I?' and 'what am I doing?' and most importantly, AM I where I want to be, doing what I want to do, and if not, why?

Happiness....

2011-01-10T19:26:00.000-08:00

One of my new UBBT goals is to work through a daily meditation/thought book that I've tried to read before. Don't get me wrong, its been a great book, it just gets forgotten sometimes in the daily grind. I'm determined to finish it this time. One of the thoughts I read recently, was being aware of the little things that bring us happiness; to be detectives of what we personally really enjoy. It reminds me alot of Sifu Brinkers quest to live in the moment. So, with that thought twanging around in my brain for the last couple of days, I've been attempting to notice when I enjoy something. Today, my rather over-large lab, who thinks he's a lap dog, insisted (as he does everyday that I come home) that I sit down and snuggle with him. As I was buried in fur, as he 'allowed' me the privilege of scritching him for as long as I could manage, I realized how nice it was to relax and just enjoy the moment. I know it should seem obvious; being a go-getter I often feel guilty just sitting around. But I think I may need to more of it. Mark one thing for the happiness book. Now if it was just in a sunbeam......

New Year

2011-01-05T19:42:00.000-08:00

Its a new year....a new challenge...and I'm starting it sick. Oh joy. But I 'm trying to press on with starting my requirements. Its interesting to try and get the gumption up to actually do what I have agreed to do. And to run the gauntlet of emotions; guilt, digging in the heels because I dont feel up to it, satisfaction when I do manage to accomplish something. I'm looking forward to getting back on schedule next week. At least I've learned that even when I really dont want to do anything, I still can kick my butt enough to do something. And thats something:)

christmas

2010-12-21T19:39:00.000-08:00

Christmas is looming....and my practice times are dipping. I know its because of other things I'm busy with, but its still hard to ignore the guilt, even though it doesnt motivate anything but more guilt. I cant wait for the new year and UBBT 8. Hopefully it kicks my butt!

UBBT 8

2010-12-11T23:12:00.000-08:00

So here I am, at the beginning of a journey, UBBT 8 looming in the foreground. I don't know how this year will go. I do know it will be a challenge. At least I figured out this requirement!:)